


Dear Minhyun,

by 2hyuntrash



Category: NU'EST
Genre: I can only write angst, Letters, M/M, POV First Person, angst maybe?, im sry but minhyun dont actually appear in the fic, songfic?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 11:37:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15795723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2hyuntrash/pseuds/2hyuntrash
Summary: A letter for Minhyun.





	Dear Minhyun,

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this was originally written a year ago before WYA comeback hahaha so this fic was heavily inspired by the comeback teasers at that time. It's okay if you can't remember cuz I can't either lmao hahah Why I decided to post now? Hmm, I just felt kinda sad that since I've already written a lot back then, it'll be a waste for it to sit and rot in my drafts hahah and I'm still pretty insecure with my writing so I'm sry if it's horrible to read for you in advance!!
> 
> This was proofread by Cel and Caillen way back then (thanks ily it's finally up lmao). Today, Min and Jess were being kind and encouraging so I decided to upload it haha
> 
> Just fyi, there are lots of plot holes and horrible grammar... basically this is a word dump!! There's also 2 different songs in here haha  
> Okay, bye. Thanks for reading!! :) 
> 
> [EDIT] omggg I didn’t think anyone other than my friends for reading this immm cryinggg to those that gave me anonymous and random ao3 user kudos, thank you so much OMG please have a nice day aaaa (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

.... 

Minhyun-ah, if you’re reading this, I’m probably not in this world anymore. I asked the God of my world to allow me to do this one last time. I just couldn't leave you with nothing to hold onto…

 

**_Even if there’s no tomorrow,_ _  
_ _that’s okay with me_ **

 

Because,

Our love transcends time and distance.

 

Because, 

Even if time stops now, I know, I am still irrevocably, deeply in love with you unless…you do not feel the same way as me, Minhyun-ah?

 

_ …It’s okay, haha’t… _

  
I will love you always, not just the superstar you that fans had promised to have you walk on that flowery path years ago, but the current you that I came to love, to cherish and to die for.

 

I’m sorry for leaving without telling you, don't worry, because I will be there, in every step of the way, to guide a lost you out of harm’s way. I will climb jagged mountains and swim the seven seas just to find and watch over you like I always have. I guess, I won’t have to do those when I can actually fly if I do ascend to Heaven hehe can you imagine, me, Kim Jong Hyun the angel?

 

_ …I really want you to join me, _

_      But, _

_Being selfish is not my signature trait._

_      You always knew that, didn’t you? _

 

Minhyun-ah, do me a favor? Never look for me and try to move on from me? I know you. You’ll wallow in despair and ignore the people around you who are all desperately trying to break into your shell, it breaks my heart a little when you are reverting back to your old icy self. Don’t do that, the world doesn’t only revolve around the two of us. You need to live on.

 

Minhyun-ah, you’re not just the boy that I accidentally bumped into in the Pledis hallways or even the boy who likes to show affections to other boys in NU’EST or your current group, Wanna One…I was sort of jealous but I know you mean well. I can see how much you cherish them. Please tell them that I said Hi? I wished I could grow old with you and watch over them. You mean the world to me. You have a heart of gold that melts my soul every time you extend a piece of your fragile and sensitive self to me, as I am deeply honored to have receive your love overtime and forever more.

 

_ When the day breaks _

_      I’ll sleep by your side again _

_ I fall asleep under the stars _

_ And it’s like I have the whole universe _

... 

**_No matter how much I run to find you, I’m still [stuck] in my room_ **

 

Not being with you, physically, hurts me more than anything in this world. 

_ I want to touch you and feel you _

~~_ I want to know if I’m still real _ ~~

 

Not being able to listen to your honey voice hurts me more than anything in this world. 

_ I want to hear you sing Galaxy to me _

_ It doesn't have to be words, please hum the melody to me _

~~_ I want to know if I’m still real _ ~~

 

Not being able to express my desires  to be with you longer and the truth of what exactly happened to me. I can’t even put it into words. 

 

I’m not even in your world anymore. I never had the chance to tell you that I loved you? I was stupid, the incredibly dense one out of the five of us. 

 

I never knew Galaxy was the big giveaway. I used to complain about how you kept singing the same song to me over and over again. Daybreak initially brought us closer and we got together finally, do you remember? When I think about that, it always puts a smile on my face.

 

I miss your staccato laughter the most. 

 

 _Like a satellite that’s been launched_ __  
_I’ll spin around you_ __  
_if I get closer_ _  
___would you hold this tremor?

 

At this point, I can do nothing. 

I am still stuck in the same time loop that goes back and forth from the day where we’re supposed to meet that one morning for a date till the point where everything went wrong. I knew you’d probably be waiting for me under that tree where we always stargaze the night sky. 

 

It was our special spot. 

 

I tried, Minhyun-ah. I tried so hard to change our fate. I even deliberately tempered the time so I won’t leave the comforts of my own home; my room specifically. I had so many games to play, so many comics to read, and anime to watch. I tried but one way or another, my universe did not allow me to do so therefore, I had been living in a repeated time frame over and over and over again.

 

At this point, you’d want me to break free from this hell but if I force my way out of this repeated time space, all traces of you would have disappeared. I did not want to lose my one and only memory of you. Even if we’re parted with a sad memory, I still remember all the happy things that we’ve been through together. 

 

It’s a punishment, the gatekeepers said to me. Minhyun-ah, I didn’t tell you about this before, but I don’t belong in your dimension. Believe as much as you can, but I’m telling the truth. I ran away from that place because they were demanding and all I wanted was to live my own life.  

 

I’m actually selfish here but the more I came to know the rest of the NU’EST members and you altogether, each and every one of you became an existence that I can never replace. I became a leader that failed at the beginning and received redemption towards the end of Produce 101.

 

I was overjoyed when people finally recognized our hard work. It was finally going well, finally a start-over. I didn’t mean for all of this to happen. I hope- Aron-hyung, Minki, and Dongho would forgive me. 

 

I wish for you to forgive me for not waiting for you as well.

 

Minhyun-ah, I missed your warmth a lot. I remembered your broad shoulders too and when you wrapped your arms around me, I felt butterflies seeping through my entire being. 

 

_ We were like puzzles destined to be together.  _

_                        Maybe, we are just not meant to be in this lifetime? _

 

Minhyun-ah, I really…really love you. 

 

I wished I could stay with you forever. Grow old like two elderly men and adopt some pets along the way. I can imagine one would cling to your legs while you’re preparing dinner and the other would jump all over me while I was playing games waiting for dinner to be done. 

 

With just that thought, I’m already smiling about the future we never got to have. If we’re ever reborn into this world in another lifetime, I wish we can meet and fall in love with each other all over again.

  
  
  


**_Because I don't want to forget your voice_ **

**_I echo the last time you called out my name_ **

 

Everything about you or everything together that made you, you, I missed.

 

Most of all, I wanted to hear you call my name. Scream my name if you had to. I just wanted to hear it. 

 

_ Jonghyun-ah _

_ Jju-yah _

_ Jrie _

 

I wished I had a recording of you singing to me. Now all I have are silent memories and movable lips that I can’t even touch or kiss. 

  
  


….

  
  


I was excited for the date. I woke up earlier than the time we intended to meet. I thought of making a lunch box for you but then I checked the fridge and there wasn’t enough ingredients so I decided to head down to the grocery store. My steps were giddy and light as I couldn’t wait to meet up with you and to hear you call my name. I enjoyed our late night calls especially when we’re both busy with our respective groups and it was touching that you would still worry about me despite your hectic schedule. 

 

That day, I saw your text by the way. The message you sent me that day made my heart flutter and and made me even more anxious for our date.

 

_ Minnie <3:  “Jju-yah, I can’t wait to see you! I couldn’t even sleep last night. Haha. Can’t wait to pull you into my arms and keep you by my side forever.” _

 

You were so cheesy but it made me so happy. You always knew what to say in every situation and that’s probably one of the reasons why I fell in love with you.

 

……

 

And now here comes the hard part. I let my guard down, Minhyun-ah. I forgot how much I ran and hid from my own people before I met you. Everything fell into place as happiness and the chance of a normal life was right in front of me. I thought we could go further, explore our lives more and live them like we never had been able to before.

 

I wanted to leave you for good but it seems like after experiencing loving you and the whole aspect of love for the very first time, I forgot why I was even here in the first place. At some point, I knew I would be caught and be brought back home, I just didn't know that we would be so abruptly torn apart. Just like that without even having the chance to say goodbye. Even as I write this letter, pouring my feelings out, wanting to say everything I can to you. 

 

It’s just not enough for me. 

 

And I know it isn’t for you, either. 

 

I felt so dissatisfied with everything I have right now, I wanted to convey all these to you in person. I know you’re confused and angry with everything that has happened, you probably don’t even want to finish this letter. I won’t force you to read or to keep it at all. I won’t hold it against you. I won’t hate you if decided to just trash it and forget all about me. Forget all about us. I wouldn’t hate you if you moved on. I could never hate you, Minhyun-ah. I just wanted to let you know that my intention was never meant to hurt you. I don’t even deserve you.

 

I just fell for you.

 

I fell so deeply in love with you and can’t even get out of it.

  
  


_ Filling up my empty room _ __  
_ moonlight (moonlight) _ __  
_ It disappears like a dream but (out of my life) _ __  
_ Draw it once again on a white canvas _ _  
_ __ I believe I’m not alone

  
  


Do these lyrics sound familiar to you? It is our theme song after all. It was our starting point of a beautiful canvas and also the end of our precious relationship. I don’t ever want it to end. It was beautiful but not as beautiful as you though. 

 

I’m glad, I was able to be a part of your life, even if it was for a short while, I will never regret loving you.


End file.
